Swingers Next Door

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The Swingers Next Door Have Moved

Don’t worry… We’re still next door.  Find us here: swingers-next-door.tumblr.com/

Same great content in a new home.

The Swingers Next Door Have Moved

Don’t worry… We’re still next door.  Find us here: swingers-next-door.tumblr.com/

Same great content in a new home.

Hey, we have a question or two. Hope you don't mind us asking. We are a married couple with a great sex life... but have wanted to explore the swinger life for sometime. We joined a couple of sites.. fling and Adultfriendfinder but we haven't really had any luck finding people. Do you have any advice? We live in West palm Beach FL... Thank you! Ps. Love your blog!

This is perhaps the most pressing question for couples interested in checking out swinging for the first time: How do we get started?  Where do we go? How soon can we get naked? Are there really other swingers out there? How can we make sure that we aren’t just welcoming a bunch of creepy weirdoes into our bedroom?

It’s impossible to completely vet every person you invite into your home (we will definitely be writing about this more in the future), but you can save yourself from wasting time on websites that (we have found) rarely facilitate honest, interesting, or fulfilling hookups.

We are not at all surprised that you have had difficulty making connections on Fling and AdultFriendFinder (AFF).  In fact, these websites are at the top of our TO AVOID list.  Even though they require membership in order to access information about other people (and may even require you to pay if you want to contact anyone), they aren’t respected avenues for true swingers.  Fling and AFF are usually the first stop for curious couples. Despite their best intentions, often even the most enthusiastic twosomes are unable to pull themselves out of these sites’ gravitational pull of mediocrity.  Unfortunately, the majority of people who frequent these types of sites are rarely genuine.  It’s easy to make a profile and then, well, slum it.  AFF, in particular, is notorious for individuals and couples who are all talk and no action, along with singles just looking for a hot fling (which can work, if that’s all you are looking for).  I tend to categorize these sites as “trial by fire”: If you can survive their maddening, circular, asinine members (with or without actually “hooking up”), you are probably ready to move on to the next level.  (Note: If you have had success with AFF, more power to you!)

We would also caution against starting your search on Craigslist.  CL is a great place to find a used entertainment center, but not so much for finding fun sex partners.  The “Casual Encounters” section of Craigslist is so full of picture collectors, skeezers, and spammers that you aren’t sure if you or your computer is more at risk of getting a virus.  That said, CL has led us to a few successful sexual encounters.  However, the maddening-endless-email to hook-up ratio is very high.  We think there are better sites to help the novice swingers among us.

One site we highly recommend is SwingLifeStyle.com (SLS).  SLS casts a wide net of singles and couples across the US (and across the world, really).  It also has a robust free membership system that allows you to create and view profiles, and contact other members.  Free members are not nearly as limited as with most other lifestyle sites.  SLS also has a fun network for finding people with similar interests (looking for swingers who enjoy snowboarding or yoga? There are groups for that).  You will find links to local lifestyle events sponsored by large, accredited groups or individuals (everything from on-site swing parties to meet-n-greets at local bars).

There are a few other sites we recommend and hopefully we do a more in-depth analysis of those sites in future posts.  We will also address how to create a successful profile and how to effectively communicate with couples that you are interested in (and those you want nothing more to do with).  I hope we have at least started to answer your question.  Keep checking back for more updates.

As always, have a lifestyle question?  Ask a swinger!

P.S. Here is a list of a few other lifestyle sites we have explored.  Some of these are fairly regional, so don’t be surprised if you don’t find a lot of members in your area.  Each site has a different interface and different membership requirements.  Happy exploring!

http://www.kasidie.com/

http://www.lifestylelounge.com/

http://www.lovevoodoo.com/

http://www.swinglifestyle.com/

http://www.sdc.com/  swinger date club

This is from a fun adventure a few weeks ago that I like to call Epic Night. Nothing quite like exploring a pussy with the girl’s hand guiding you the entire way.

This is from a fun adventure a few weeks ago that I like to call Epic Night. Nothing quite like exploring a pussy with the girl’s hand guiding you the entire way.

Ask a Swinger: Am I Too Fat?

(We actually received the following question from a newbie couple that we have been emailing back and forth with on one of the swinger dating sites where we are members.  I thought it was completely relevant to our mission here on the blog, and decided to share! This is my real response to the couple, and the woman wrote back that it made her feel a lot better.  Hopefully it will help some of you feel better too! ~Maria)

Question:

My biggest worry in our swinging journey is that no one will want to swing with us because I am over weight and he is not. He has a great body and face . I am not even what he even goes for (look/ body type wise) but we had a good connection!


Answer:  

Here are some thoughts about your concern about your weight…Swinging, just like any other aspect of life, offers a complete cross-section of humanity. You will encounter all kinds of body types and looks: short, tall, skinny, fat, attractive, unattractive, etc. Not everyone looks like they walked off the set of mainstream porn (and that wouldn’t be particularly exciting if that were the case anyway). As a big girl myself, I understand and empathize with your apprehension about whether or not you will be accepted in the swinger community (believe me, I’ve been there before). You will find people who appreciate you specifically because you are a bigger girl, either because you are the type they are naturally attracted to, or because you are different from what they are used to. That’s the point of the lifestyle—to try out different partners. You may always feel some trepidation about your body before you get naked with new partners. This gets easier with experience. However, if you expect your body to be perfect before you show it off, you have essentially put on the brakes before you’ve even started. Would you demand the same perfection from your potential partners? Are you going to obsessively catalog your partners’ flaws (a la Jerry Seinfeld)? Probably not. Hopefully you will be much too excited to get to the sex! Likewise, your partners will be much too excited to have sex with you to worry about weight(hint: some men and women think this is a turn-on). Remember: swingers are real people just like you with their own concerns about their own bodies. These very same people think you are sexy just the way you are. If you are truly concerned about the way you look not being received well, be upfront and advertise yourself honestly as a bigger girl. I guarantee you that you are desired as you are. You are the only person preventing you from getting naked and having sexy sexy fun!  

(This wasn’t part of my original response, but I am including a full body shot of myself here to show that I am a fat girl.  I am confident about the way I look, and I have no shortage of play partners.  In fact, I know that I am sought after because of the way I look!)

Swinger Dictionary: Bisexual, Bi-Curious, Bi-Friendly

Bisexual, Bi-curious, Bi-friendly

These are three common terms used to describe people who fall somewhere along the spectrum between straight and gay.

Bisexual is pretty self-explanatory.  Bisexual people enjoy adventures with both men and women (ranging from heavy petting and/or oral sex to sexual intercourse).  Being bisexual does not mean you necessarily have or want anything more than a platonic relationship with members of either gender (“Sure, I’ll fuck you, but I’m not taking you home to mom tomorrow).  Most bisexual people do not require other threesome and orgy partners to also be bisexual.  We prefer the couples we hook up with to include a bisexual woman so there is the possibility of girl time, but it’s not a deal breaker. 

Maria falls squarely into the bisexual category, enjoying a wide variety of sexual liaisons with men and women.  Unfortunately for her, many of the women we encounter in the lifestyle who describe themselves as “bisexual” are in fact either bi-curious or bi-friendly.

Bi-curious sexual partners are those who fantasize about hot interludes with both sexes, but have never had either the prowess or opportunity to test their desires.  Full-fledged bisexual partners must maintain patience with the bi-curious crowd and vice-versa.  It is easy for a bisexual person to become frustrated when a self-proclaimed bi-curious partner shows little or no interest in sex.  Such trepidation can stem from any number of factors, including self-confidence, lack of experience, or even an absence of attraction.  Likewise, a bi-curious individual should not give up on his or her fantasy after one or two negative experiences.  However, if you display a lengthy pattern of exciting talk with no action, you may need to reexamine your fantasies and keep them as just that.

Bi-friendly people – those who will allow light touching and/or kissing from people of the same gender during play times – are common in many swinging situations.  Some might call it “heteroflexible,” but we find that a mouthful (pun very much intended).   It is important that the bi-friendly crowd identify themselves as such early in an encounter to avoid hurt feelings or unsolicited contact.

No one needs to lock themselves into one group forever.  Just because you are bi-friendly now, doesn’t mean you won’t harbor more bisexual desires later.  Likewise, bisexual partners can easily decide they are no longer attracted to either men or women in a sexual way.  What is important is that you are true to yourself and your partners.  Honesty is critical to making experiences enjoyable for everyone involved.

Two’s company, three’s more fun

Two’s company, three’s more fun

Ask a Swinger: Why are You a Swinger? (Maria’s perspective)

Um, sex with multiple partners is fucking hot. Need I say more?

Let’s back up a bit. 

I am bisexual.  I have known that I have liked girls since I was about five years old, but I didn’t possess the vocabulary to understand what that really meant. Being a closeted bisexual teenager meant that I was acquainted with sexual deviance pretty early on, and got used to furtive sexual encounters of all kinds with both boys and girls.  I found it impossible to remain faithful to my boyfriends because I was always also attracted to someone else. I attempted my first MMF threesome at the age of 16 (awkward failure), and tried to coordinate my first foursome (two couples) at 17 (we ended up all fucking in the same room, which was pretty hot). I think that I am hardwired to follow through on my attraction to others: I cannot imagine living my life and being monogamous because there are just sooooo many sexy people out there that I want to fuck. It has always been very easy for me to separate sex from love.

I have been swinging on and off for 15 years now, having started actively participating in group sex at the age of 18.  At first (and for a long time) it was just about being able to have sex with people other than my primary partner because he and I were not really sexually (or romantically) compatible. This is a recipe for disaster in most swinging relationships, and it proved to be a good indicator that our relationship was dead, despite all of the fun we were having falling into bed with as many people as possible. It was a great way for me to have sex with other women without feeling guilty about “cheating.”

And then I met Tony, and all of that changed.  We met at a swinger party, actually, and everything just clicked.  Swinging, sharing partners, with Tony became a bonding experience between us. It was, and is, an expression of our love for each other, while simultaneously letting us explore non-monogamy. It was then that I realized that group sex fulfilled me because I got to watch my partner with other people.  It wasn’t just about my own sexual satisfaction.  Instead, I got off because Tony was getting off.  There is truly nothing sexier to me than locking eyes with him while he is pounding away at some other woman.  I’m not even sure how to explain that, really, but it feels like something akin to magic.  Tony and I have mind-blowing sex on a regular basis, but our lovemaking goes to another level when we bring others to bed with us: the connection that we feel with each other just before, during, and after our romps are incomparable.

Tony and I understand that we will always be attracted to other people, and it would be ridiculous to suggest that we suppress those urges.  We adore nudging each other when we are out and about and notice a hot woman that we would love to share! The best part is I know, without a doubt, Tony is the love of my life and my partner to the end.  Even while we are exploring another couple, we are connected to each other in such a solid, almost tangible way.  Swinging has become an intrinsic part of our relationship, and it flows seamlessly into our love for each other.  We are living every couple’s dream, and we love every second of it.

Ask a Swinger: Why are You a Swinger? (Tony’s perspective)

For me swinging is a simple fact of life.  I was never able to be faithful to one partner.  Some will call that a weakness, others a hard-wired fact of genetics (after all, if you can be born straight or gay, why can’t you be born non-monogamous?).  I enjoy the pursuit and excitement associated with finding new sex partners.  I like sex (don’t we all?).  I think that aspect is incredibly basic.  I simply don’t think we could live without this feature of our lives.

I also enjoy immensely the sexual relations I share with Maria before, during, and after our swinging experiences.  Everyone likes a little dirty talk in bed, right?  But there’s nothing better than knowing that you are going to back up all that talk with real action and adventure.  The look Maria gets in her eyes during sex, the lustful gaze she shoots my way, and the way she moans and comes in someone’s mouth or around a guy’s dick all send me over the edge of ecstasy.

I recognize there are things I simply cannot give Maria.  She is incredibly sexual and deeply desires other men and women.  I know Maria longs for the touch, feel, and taste of women.  It just would not be fair for me to deny her those inalienable pleasures I feel everyone should enjoy.

There is also a part of me that longs to please.  I love the thought of women using me for their carnal desires – getting off like never before, with wild abandon.  I want to be the fantasy fuck a woman has been longing for.  I want help them find a beauty within themselves they thought was dormant (and let it burst free – over and over).  

We also relish the winks, nods, and inside humor the lifestyle affords.  We know that we are living many people’s ultimate fantasy and that others would long to be in our shoes (let alone our pants).  Being a strong, tried and true, committed swinger is an exclusive club.  Not everyone can make it.  But when you do, it’s a wonderful thing.

In the end, I love Maria with all my heart.  I want to give her everything she desires.  I know she feels the same about me.  Swinging – in a deep, intense, and desirous sense – truly brings us closer together. 

Maria in a hot man-meat sammich

Maria in a hot man-meat sammich